


130 Days

by caspersfriendlyghost



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Cancer, F/F, Nurses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-13 08:25:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4514853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caspersfriendlyghost/pseuds/caspersfriendlyghost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura Hollis is a college student who wants to be a nurse. She decides to volunteer at her local hospital over the summer. While volunteering, she meets Carmilla Karnstein, who was recently diagnosed with cancer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New

**Author's Note:**

> hi everyone! the story is written in first person alternating between laura and carmilla. ive inserted lines to show where the story alternates views. enjoy :)

Day 1

8:46 am – Laura’s house

“Laura, honey, are you almost ready?”

“Yeah, dad! Just one more minute!” I straighten up my clothes in the mirror. It’s my first day at the hospital. I’m nervous, but excited. I want to help people and give back. I know that. I’m just not sure what to expect. I grab my bag and ID card and head down stairs. I see my dad anxiously staring at his watch. He always thinks we’re going to be late. He worries too much. 

“Laura we’re gonna be-“

“Late, dad. I know. We never are.” I pat him on the shoulder and open the front door. I gesture him to go out first. He laughs at me and pats me on the head.

“You’re a great kid, Laur, you know that?”

I shyly smile. “I try.”

9:00 am – Monarch Center Hospital

“Remember to call me when you need to get picked up okay? And be nice! Well, no you’re always nice. That’s a given! Call me, Laura, okay?”

“I’ll call you, dad. Now, let me go before I’m actually late?” I hop out of the car as quick as I can and walk towards the entrance of the hospital. I hear my dad saying random sentences, but I know if I keep walking he’ll finally leave. My dad’s the best, but very overprotective. I mean, I’m working at a hospital. I think I’m protected for the day.

I walk in the entrance and take a seat in the waiting room. As soon as I sit down, I see Danny slowly coming through the door while talking to another nurse. 

“Sherry, he wasn’t good enough for you anyway! I just tell the truth!” She laughs and turns around. “Laura! You’re here!”

I get up to hug her. “Well, of course. I mean, I am the one that asked you if I could come help.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re here kid.” Danny opens the door and I follow her lead.

We walk down the halls and reminisce our old English class in high school.

“Jeez, it’s been a while. I wonder how Mr. Truman is anyway.”

“Probably somewhere under a rock. You remember how little of a fan he was of teaching let alone being around people.” I laugh as Danny waves down another nurse.

“Hey Perry! I want you to meet a good friend of mine. Laura, this is one of our most honorary nurses, Perry.”

“Oh, stop you’re too sweet.” Perry hits Danny’s arm and they share a quick laugh. “Well, hello Laura. What brings you to the hospital?”

“Volunteering. Oh, and Danny. _Of course._ ” Danny blushes and gives a shy smile.

“Well, Danny is one popular lady. You’ll definitely be sharing her.” A doctor comes over and asks Perry for her assistance. “Why don’t you both come find me later in the cafeteria? Around lunch time?” Perry turns and sees the doctor walking away. She starts to walk to him.

“We’ll be there!” Danny yells towards the fast paced Perry. She laughs and continues to walk with me.

“Want to go to the radiology lab?”

“The what?”

Danny laughs. “The room where people get x-rays.”

Embarrassed, I give a nervous laugh. I look down at my nails. “Oh- _seriously, Hollis, get it together-_ Yeah, yeah. Sounds good.”

* * *

9:00 am- A few blocks from the hospital

I start my usual walk to the hospital. Ear buds in, punk rock on and a half eaten apple. The drum solo comes on and I close my eyes. I picture a huge stadium. The crowd is screaming. All for me. I start my solo and the crowd chants my name. Carmilla. Carmilla. Carmil-

I open my eyes quickly at the sound of a car horn. I look around and down. One foot about to step into the road of on-going traffic. I quickly place my stray foot back on the street.

_Don’t want to die yet._

I take another bite out of my apple as I cross the street. I keep my eyes open the rest of the walk. I observe the things around me. The blades of grass growing in the patches of sidewalk cracks. An orange cat sitting in the windowsill of someone’s living room. An old man watering his already very green bushes. Two friends riding their bikes down the open road.

I finally get near the hospital. I jump up on top of the outer bricks on the fountain and walk around. I feel the cool mist of water in my face and close my eyes. This feeling of being lost engulfs me while surrounding me with joy. I hum a deep sigh and open my eyes. I start my way towards the entrance of the hospital.

_So it begins._

9:28 am- Monarch Center Hospital

“And here’s your new room for the next few hours.” _More like next few months._ “Why don’t you take a seat and I’ll bring you back your medicine. Sounds good?”

I nod my head and try to pretend I’m confident. I slowly take a seat and tap my hands on my thighs. I can feel my body tensing. Sweat seeps into my palms. I put my ear buds back in and close my eyes. The sound of bass guitars and high hats fill my ears. The music calms me.

Eventually the nurse comes back and sets up my “special machine”. There’s nothing special about it. It’s just an ugly bulk of metal. But I let her do her job. She pulls out the needle and I pull down my shirt showing her the small bump in my upper chest.

“You’re going feel a little pinch, honey.”

“I assumed.” She sticks the needle in me before I can even catch my breath.

“Now just sit and relax. Did you bring a book?” I nod my head and reach down to pull it out of my bag. She stops my hand and reaches it out of my bag for me. I smile, but it quickly fades.

“I’ll come back and check on you soon.” I nod again as she drifts out of the room. I look around at the empty chairs. I see a bookshelf in the far back of the room with more shelf than books.

_At least I won’t be dying from boredom._

* * *

10:01 am- Monarch Center Hospital.

“Well, that was a majority of the hospital. Impressed?”

“I’m more impressed that we didn’t get lost.” Danny chuckles and I smile. She takes me to the front desk of the hospital. She picks up a map of the hospital and hands it to me. I put it in my notebook and hold it close to my chest. She picks up another packet of my paper and flips through it.

“So, Laura…”

“So, Danny…”

“You want to start doing some work?” She gives me an excited nudge. I grab the side of my arm and rub it.

“Of course! Isn’t that what I came for?” I nudge her back nervously.

“I mean, I’d hope so. But who knows what your intentions are, Hollis.” Danny smiles and I feel my cheeks heat up.

Danny checks over the packet in her hands again.

“Why don’t we go to the chemotherapy room? Maybe you can check up on some of the patients there and keep them company?”

I nod in excitement and Danny takes the lead. We go down the hall, take a slight right, go up the stairs and make another right. This hospital is definitely the most confusing building I’ve been in. Including every history museum, which makes about seven and counting.

We finally get to the room. The door looks exactly the same as every other white door we’ve passed. There’s a plaque on the door that says _Chemotherapy. Nurses and Doctors Only._ As I read the sign, I start to feel uneasy. I ignore the feeling and push through. There’s a small check in booth on the other side of the door. Danny shows her ID and tells the nurse about me. The nurse gets up from her seat and comes around to open another door, a different door. This one is not white. It’s a shiny wood door with a little window. I start to feel warm and comforted. Relaxed.

I walk into the room surprised at how large it is. The chairs look like those massage chairs at the mall. There’s a TV on one end and a bookcase on the other. I almost get so caught up in the aesthetics of the room that I forget about the people. I shake my head to get back to reality. I stand in confusion as I see a girl sitting by the only other window in the room besides the one on the door.

I shift towards Danny. “I assumed there would be more people.”

Danny laughs. “I guess that's a good thing. Isn't it?”

My eyes are still locked on the girl in the corner. She hasn’t lifted her head once. Her eyes are glued to the pages of the book in her hands. Does she realize she’s not alone anymore? Or does she just not care? I shake my head again to snap back. This seems to be an often occurrence.

“Well, why we don’t we check in on the patients-or should I say patient-“ Danny’s pager vibrates rapidly. She looks down to check on the message. “Shit. There’s an emergency on Level 3. Do you think you could check in on her by yourself?”

She starts walking away.

“What do I even do?”

She keeps walking. “Just, um, keep her company! Ask some questions. Make sure nothing on the machine seems weird! I’ll meet you at, say, 11? In the cafeteria!”

I watch Danny run out the door and down the hall. I swivel back around to face the lonely girl. I take in a big breath and blow out as I start to walk over to the corner.

* * *

10:08 am - Chemotherapy room

Two girls walk in through the doors of the room. One a small brunette and the other a very lengthy ginger. I glance over before they notice and quickly go back to reading my book. I turn down my music to ease drop on their conversation. Discreetly, of course. I hear them say something about checking on me and I laugh under my breath. What is there to check on? I’m hooked up to a machine through my chest. Clearly, my machine and I are going to rob a bank. I sigh with my last laugh.

In the background, I hear the ginger’s pager go off and she scrams out of the room. The petite brunette is standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. I shift my eyesight back to my book. Suddenly, I hear footsteps towards me. _Oh god._ The tiny girl is walking towards me. Her head is down and she seems to be tripping over her steps. _How adorable._ I roll my eyes right before she grabs the seat next to me. I take one ear bud out of my ear.

She fiddles with the ring on her finger. “Um, hi there. I don’t want to disturb your reading or anything, but, um I’m a new nurse- a volunteer nurse and I was assigned to check on you! So, um, how’s everything?”

I smirk. “Painfully, perfect.”

She continues to fiddle. “Oh. Okay. That’s great. Does, um, does everything feel okay? Any pains?”

“Just the needle jammed into my chest.”

She awkwardly laughs. “Well, I should’ve expected that.”

“Probably.”

Quiet fills the room. The tension between us grows. I decide to break it.

“Look, I know you were assigned to help me, but I don’t really need it. So why don’t you just do us both a favor and leave.”

She laughs. _Who knows why_. “Seems like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!”

 _Seriously._ “I have cancer, cupcake. Every side of the bed is the wrong one.”

She freezes in shock. She seems scared and uneasy. “I- I’m sorry. I just- I shouldn’t have said-“

I roll my eyes and put my book on my lap. “Don’t worry about it. Life sucks sometimes.”

She laughs, nervously. I hope she realizes she’s not going to hurt me. Not anymore than the cancer will. She turns to look at me.

“I’m Laura, by the way.” She sticks out her hand looking to receive mine in return.

I pick up my book from my lap and place it in my bag. I come back up and turn to meet her face to face. I freeze.

_She’s like a painting. Every color is spread across her face. Her chest is filled with red._

I come back to my own reality for a second and meet her hand with mine. “I’m, um, Carmilla. I’m Carmilla.”

She smiles. “So, Carmilla. Care for my company?”

I realize I’m still holding her hand. I pull it away quickly and whip my palm on my jeans. I turn away from her and place the other ear bud in my ear.

“Whatever floats your boat, cutie.”

_I’m screwed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again! i hope you enjoyed the first chapter! i will try to update asap.  
> to keep updated on me: elizabethchilds.tumblr.com & @daddycarmilla (twitter)  
> thank you again for reading :)


	2. Keep Me Still

Day 1 (cont.) 

10:24 am – Chemotherapy room

We sit in quiet for what feels like an hour, but I know is only a mere few minutes. Carmilla hasn’t taken her focus off of her book. A car could crash into the building at any moment and I swear she wouldn’t move. There’s something so intriguing about the way she reads, but I can’t seem to put words to it. Whatever it is that’s so interesting about this girl makes it harder and harder to take my gaze away from her.

But I try to look away.

After staring at my phone for so long pretending to be using it, I decide to speak up. “Everything okay still?” I feel my pulse speed up.

“The same as it was ten minutes ago.” She flips her page in the book and leans further back into her chair.

My heart is racing. I nervously laugh.

“That’s good. Um, are you, uh, enjoying your book?” I swallow hard. _Stupid._

She laughs. Hopefully that’s good sign. She leans over to me. “If I didn’t enjoy it, why would I be reading it?”

I laugh with her. My pulse calms down and my body relaxes. “Good point. Well, what are you reading?”

“Shakespeare. Macbeth to be exact.”

“That’s like a book you’re assigned to read in high school! I can’t believe I’m actually witnessing someone read it for fun.”

She raises an eyebrow at me playfully and turns back to her book. “Well, I’m not like most people, cupcake.”

And there goes my heart rate. Again.

* * *

10:39 am – Chemotherapy room

Laura keeps glancing over at me and quickly retreating back to her phone. She looks like a frantic puppy and it’s sort of cute _._

_Sort of cute. Seriously, Karnstein. Get it together._

She keeps asking random questions and pausing after my answers for a good two minutes. I decide to give her a break of her nervous panicking and take charge. “So you’re a volunteer nurse, right?”

“Correct.”

“Why?”

“Well, I want to help people for starters.”

“Don’t know if you knew this, but there’s a lot of easier ways you can help people.” I laugh at my own joke. Laura does too.

“I mean I don’t just want to _help people_. I want to be a nurse!”

“The kind that gets paid of course.”

Laura pouts her lips attempting to hide her amusement in me. I feel a smile creep from the sides of my mouth, but I try my best to keep it away.

“Yes. But! It’s not all about money, you know?"

“Gotta eat somehow, right?”

She laughs and shakes her head. “You’re something else.”

I feel the sides of my mouth cringe into that dangerous smile again. This time it’s a little harder to control. That doesn’t stop me. I decide to dive in even more.

“So, when you’re a nurse, you’ll be wearing those cute little scrubs everywhere?”

“Yep. Every day and every hour.”

The thought of it sends my heart spinning. “I’d love to see that.”

_You idiot._

She freezes as she’s taken by surprise.

_You stupid, idiot._

“Well…” She leans in closer and I can smell the vanilla in her hair. “I could definitely make that happen.”

I freeze at the thought of it. My mind drifts to Laura wearing cute scrubs that look too big, but really aren’t. She’s just too small for any normal clothing. I come back to reality. She’s still close to me and waiting for me to respond.

“I- I, um, yeah.” I shake my head and close my eyes. “You should totally make that happen.”

She leans back in her chair and lets out a small giggle. She looks down at her phone and I try to focus back on the book I was reading.

_What was I even reading?_

She jumps in her chair a bit. “Crap. It’s almost lunch. I forgot about Perry and Danny.”

She gathers her things and gets up from the chair. She turns around quickly before leaving. “Are you able to get lunch? I mean I know you’re hooked up and everything. I just- do you want to come with me? I’m not sure how things work here.”

Her rambles are adorable. And I hate myself for thinking that.

“You go. I’ll be fine here. I have a few more minutes before I can go to lunch anyway.”

“Are you sure? I could get a nurse or something-“

“Go. I’ll see you in there.”

She frowns. It’s a sad frown. She starts walking out the room, but turns around before leaving completely.

“It was, um, really nice talking to you. I hope we can do this again.”

I feel the stupid smile again. I look down at the book and try to cover it up. “Yeah. Me too.”

“Soon?”

“Soon.”

She lets off a big smile and goes through the doors. I throw my head back in my chair and let out a loud sigh.

_Yep. I’m really screwed._

* * *

11:00 am – Monarch Cafeteria

I walk into the cafeteria and see Danny and Perry sitting at a table. I look around at the pile of trays and line of food. I pick up a tray and walk down the line sliding my tray against the metal bars. I feel like I’m in high school again. I pick up a salad and a water to try and be healthy. As I continue to walk through the line, I see chocolate chip cookies.

_Well, there goes my health binge._

I show the woman working at the counter my ID card and continue on to join Danny and Perry. As I walk towards the table, I observe all the patients eating. I feel a pain in my chest and my mind drifts to Carmilla. I start to feel sorrow come over me, but I try to ignore it. I turn my head back to the table and slide into the booth.

“I can’t believe it’s been 2 months since that motorcycle guy came into the ER.” Danny continues talking to Perry as I sit next to her.

“Me too! I’m glad he got his casts off. It was a relief to see him actually _walk_ out the hospital.” Danny chuckles and Perry turns to look at me. “Laura! How has your day been so far?”

I look down at my salad to realize I’m moving the lettuce around more than eating it. “Um, it’s been interesting. That’s definitely the word for it.”

“A good interesting or a bad one?” Danny turns to me and nudges my upper arm.

I laugh, but still feel the little pain in my chest. _What is this?_ “The good interesting. I think.”

Danny chuckles again and continues to eat her sandwich.

Perry starts to eat her fries. “Have you met anyone yet?”

I open my mouth to respond, but Danny takes the lead. “I took her to the chemotherapy room and there was a girl in there.” She turns to me again. “Did you guys end up talking?"

I zone out for a few seconds thinking about Carmilla. I feel Perry and Danny’s stares and finally come to and answer. “Yeah, um, yeah we did. She’s cu-“ I catch myself. “Cool. She’s cool, but like in the mysterious way? If that makes sense? I didn’t talk to her that much though.”

_I didn’t have to. She was already invading my thoughts._

Danny nods her head while taking another bite of her sandwich. I go back to attempting to eat my salad.

After a few moments of silence, I see Danny glance up and I feel a nudge at my side.

“Looks like miss interesting joined the lunch party.”

I quickly look up and swallow my mouth full of salad. I watch as Carmilla walks into the cafeteria, grabs chocolate milk and strolls to a far away empty table. She pulls out the same book from her bag, leans back in her chair and continues reading.

_Her hair falls perfectly around her face._

I can feel myself staring, but I can’t seem to stop. Everything becomes silent. The voices start to lower in volume and everything except that mysterious girl becomes faint. My head becomes heavy. I lower down and rest my chin in my palm. Still staring.

The silence starts to break and I hear a voice.

“Laura? Yoo hoo! You there?” I snap back to Perry waving her hands in front of my face.

“Yeah. Yeah! Sorry, I just- I got caught up, um.” I shake my head. _Get a grip, Hollis._ I slowly start to slide out of the booth and get up from the table. “You guys don’t mind if I go sit with, um, Carm- I mean, Carmilla? Is that okay?”

It feels like I’ve started moving before even hearing an answer.

“Yeah! Don’t worry about it. Catch up with us later?” Perry smiles and taps my hand.

I nod my head and start walking to the table.

Perry turns to Danny. “I have to say. You brought a strange one here.”

Danny laughs. “Yeah, she’s strange. I’ll agree. But she’s pretty cute.”

Perry rolls her eyes as Danny continues to laugh. “Not again with the underage girls, Danny.”

“She’s totally of age. Plus I’m only like, what, 3 years older than her? Totally not a big deal.”

Perry laughs and rolls her eyes once more. “Whatever makes you feel better.”

* * *

11:32 am – Monarch Cafeteria 

I let out a quiet sigh and continue to read Macbeth.

_There's one did laugh in's sleep, and one cried_

_'Murder!'_

_That they did wake each other: I stood and heard them_

_But they did say their prayers-_

I stop to hear a voice coming from behind me. I lower my music.

“Yes, nurse, I’m fine. I’m not very hungry right now. Just wanted some milk and relaxation.”

I feel a hand on my shoulder followed by a light chuckle. The presence behind me drifts closer to the side of my face. I feel a warm breath before a whisper.

“Well, I’m not your nurse, not just yet. But I will say that chocolate milk may not be the healthiest choice.”

I look up and meet Laura’s gaze. I sarcastically smirk and roll my eyes as she laughs and sits next to me.

“Sorry. I feel like all the nurses do here is check on _me_. Like I’m their _only_ patient.”

“I think they’re just doing their job.” Laura nods her head and smiles. I try to control my heartbeat.

 “Yeah, yeah. Well, I don’t need anyone’s help, cupcake.”

Laura leans over the side of the table closer to me. “Come on. Everyone needs help sometime.”

I shift my weight forward and lean in as well. I flip the page in my book. “Nope. Not me.”

“Alright. We’ll see about that.”

I give a half smile. “What? You wanna stick around and find out?”

Laura places her hand on the top of my book and pushes it down towards the table. I try my best not to turn that half smile into a full-blown grin. She moves in even closer and I start to believe I could die from a heart attack before any bit of cancer.

“If it means seeing you break. Oh, definitely.” She stares at me with this half smirk that sends a rapid pulse to my fingertips. I look up at her and meet her eyes.

_Her eyes speak more than her mouth ever could._

Quickly, I lean back and let out a loud, sarcastic laugh. “You’re on, sun dance.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again! im trying to update every thursday from now on.  
> once again, to stay updated on me: elizabethchilds.tumblr.com & @daddycarmilla (twitter)  
> thanks for reading! :)


	3. The Game of Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: a little more mention of cancer

Day 2

8:50 am – Laura’s car

“You went to bed so quick last night I didn’t even get to ask how your first day was.” My dad slows down to stop at a red light. He side eyes me and smirks waiting for my answer.

“Yeah, sorry. I was super tired.”

We both pause. “So, how was it? Come on, kiddo, tell me all about it.”

I bite my lip and think. “It was nice. It’s a very big hospital, lots of rooms and such. Definitely going to be an interesting time there.”

He presses the gas again as the light turns green. “Did you meet anyone?”

I freeze. I feel my heart beat speeding up. _Does he know what I’m thinking?_ The anticipation starts to surround me and the pause I take starts to feel like a lifetime.

“No, no. I mean, sort of. I guess, yes. But, not really.”

He starts to laugh. “Well, that was a mouthful of confusion.”

I nervously laugh and try to calm down.

We continue the drive with only the sound of talk radio. I stare out the window at the empty sidewalk and think about my day. _Carmilla._ There she is in my head again. I sigh as we turn the corner and pull up to the hospital.

The car stops and I go to grab for the handle. My dad grabs my hand. I turn and look at him in confusion.

“Have a good day in there. What you’re doing in there is great. I’m really proud of you.”

I smile and lean over to give him a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks, dad. You’re pretty great yourself.”

He laughs and motions for me to go out. I hop out of the car and walk towards the entrance. I turn back quickly and wave as he drives away. He’s really great.

9:15 am – Monarch Center Hospital

I walk through the hallways of the hospital and smile at the patients. I’m starting to feel like a real nurse, even though it’s only been a day. I hope that’s a good thing. I walk into the radiology lab and see Danny.

“Well, good morning Nurse Laura.”

“That’s Mrs. Nurse Hollis to you.”

We both laugh and share a quick hug. Danny checks some pictures and puts them in a folder before guiding me out. We walk down the halls once again.

“So, have anything in mind of doing today?”

_Of course I do._ “I was thinking of going back to the chemotherapy room. I really liked the atmosphere and it was quiet and-“

Danny stops me in the middle of the hallway. “Don’t tell me. You want to see if miss _interesting_ is gonna be there again?” She laughs and places her hand on my shoulder. I open my mouth and she cuts me off again. “Seriously. Don’t tell me. I already know what the answer is.” She pats my shoulder and continues walking.

I freeze in the middle of the hallway. I bite my lip and rub my hands on my face. I look and see Danny far ahead of me so I scurry up to her. I continue to follow her with no mention of where we’re going. Finally, we get to the chemotherapy room.

I turn and look up at her. “By the tone of your voice, I assumed you didn’t want me to come here.”

“Oh. I don’t.” I pout my lips and she laughs. She opens the door. “But, I know you’re having a good time. Go ahead.” I smile and walk through the door. I grab her hand before she walks away.

“Thanks, Danny.” She nods.

9:45 am – Chemotherapy room

I wait in the chemo room for fifteen minutes. The room is quiet and empty. The nurse behind the desk is reading a book and I start to wonder if that’s all people do in this room. There is a huge bookshelf at the end of the room. That could explain things. I sit in the chair that I sat in the day before. I look around the room and feel my eyes start to close.

* * *

 

9:45 am – Carmilla’s House 

I slowly fall out of my dream and wake up to a faint sound. Someone talking? Yelling? Someone is definitely yelling.

“Carmilla! Carmilla! Get your lazy ass out of bed!” The more I wake up, the easier I recognize Will’s voice from the other side of my door. I flip over and groan into my pillow.

“Why are you yelling, idiot?” I moan the words into my pillow.

“Your fucking appointment is in fifteen minutes. I’m being the good sibling I am and making sure you’re not late.” I don’t even have to see Will to know he has the stupidest smirk on his face.

“You’re just _so_ kind.” I shift my limp body out of bed and to the closet. I pick out a black t-shirt, sleeves ripped off, a pair of black jeans, ripped at the knee, and my favorite boots. I dress as quick as I can, which has to be at the pace of a snail, because I hear Will yelling at me again. _Overprotective idiot._

I grab my bag and head down the stairs. Will is sitting at the kitchen counter reading one of his favorite comic books.

“How can someone _so_ popular be such a _nerd_?” I grab an apple and toss it up and down.

Will grabs the apple as it goes up in the air. “How can someone _so_ soulless be such a sap for _rom-coms_?” Will laughs as he bites into the apple. He stands up from the chair and starts his charade. “Oh, Johnny, you came all the way to the airport just for me? I couldn’t let you leave, Darlene, I love you! Take me, Johnny, take me!” He throws his hand over his forehead and leans back. I shove him back up and he laughs.

“Funny. Real funny.” I snarl. I grab the skateboard Will conveniently left leaning against the counter and walk out.

“Love you, sissy!” Will chuckles through his sarcasm.

“Hate you, bro!” I close the door on my way out. I laugh outside the door where Will can’t see my amusement. I shake my head and smile. “Idiot.” I whisper under my breath, get on the skateboard and make my way to the hospital.

10:01 am – Monarch Center Hospital

I rush into the hospital and dart up the stairs, two stairs at a time, towards the chemo room. I rush passed a lot of people, but one person catches my eye. The tall red head from yesterday is standing with one of the doctors. As I pass, I try not to stare, but as I glance it seems she has the same thing in mind. My stomach starts to churn so I look back down and walk as fast as I can to the chemo room.

I push through the first door hard and stand at the counter out of breath. Not even a slight movement comes from the nurse behind the counter. _I wish I could tune out the world that easily._ I decide to speak up.

“I’m here for my 10 o’clock appointment. Carmilla Karnstein.” The nurse glances up from her book and presses a button to unlock the second door. “Um, thanks.” I pick up my skateboard and push through the door with less force.

As soon as I walk in, I freeze. A familiar face sitting in the chair in front of me.

“Laura?” Laura wakes up from her little doze frazzled. I walk over to sit next to her. “Were you waiting for me?” I drop my skateboard and place my bag on top of it before sitting down next to her.

She moves her hair out of her eyes and sits up straight. “No, no. Of course not! That would be silly, ha. I was just, um. There were people here! Right before you came! I was helping them, and uh-“ 

“Calm down, cutie. I was just joking.” But I totally wasn’t. And Laura was totally waiting for me.

Laura breathes a sigh of relief and my heart beats loud as I look down and smile. She looks down at my skateboard. “Did you ride that here?”

“No, I just carried it here.” Laura rolls her eyes.

“Shut up.” I laugh as Laura pouts and crosses her arms.

“Yes I did. What’s it to you?”

“Just so _cliché_ of you. You’re so dark and punk rock and now this? Like I should have guessed you could skateboard as well.” Laura laughs, amused by her own humor.

I smirk. “Guess you caught me and all my dirty little secrets.”

Laura looks at me, smirk matching mine and rolls her eyes. “Don’t worry. I know all of this is just your cool, collective exterior. You’re hiding a big ball of fluff deep down inside right…” Laura shifts herself over. She sticks her pointer finger out and pokes it right into the left side of my chest. My heart is beating faster than ever and I hope she doesn’t notice. “There! Right there in your heart.” She looks up at me and smiles.

I gently grab her hand and move it to rest on the arm of my chair. I throw my head back and laugh. “The exterior and interior is the same cupcake, no fluff in here.” I look at Laura as she pouts again and shakes her head. She moves close to my face. Our noses almost touching. My heart still pounding.

“I don’t believe you.” She continues to put on a childlike pout.

_God, she’s so fucking cute._

_God, get a grip._

I roll my eyes and turn my head away from her. She keeps her head still. Her eyes staring into me. Moments later, she lets out a quick “pfft” sound and turns away as well. Before we can continue anything, I look down and freeze. I realize my hand is still holding hers down on the armchair. Laura seems to notice only mere seconds after me. We both look up at each other, our eyes both opened wide and remove our hands from one another.

“Sorry, I didn’t- I didn’t know I was still-“ She cuts me off.

“No, no. It’s fine. I didn’t know, uh, either.” My cheeks flush as I look down and fiddle with my fingers.

_Smooth._

* * *

 

10:32 am – Chemotherapy room

“Hello again, Miss Karnstein. Ready for another day of treatment?”

“As ready, as I’ll ever be.” Carmilla looks at me and rolls her eyes.

_Karnstein. Carmilla Karnstein. Nice ring to it._

I watch as the nurse sets up Carmilla’s chemo machine and pokes a needle into a small bump on her chest. Carmilla’s eyes close tightly and she bites her lip. I want to grab her hand to help with the pinch of pain, but I decide to stay in my spot. She opens her eyes and blows out a loud breath. My heart continues to ache knowing that’s not the last time she’ll have to endure that pain.

I continue to watch the nurse click and flick with buttons on the machine. She makes sure everything is set up correctly. She puts a hand on Carmilla’s shoulder, tells her she’ll come back soon to check on her and walks out.

Carmilla tilts her head towards me. “So you still want to be a nurse?”

I run my fingers up and down my thighs. “Yep. Pretty positive.”

She turns her body towards me and as she shifts I quickly see a part of her bra from the inside of her shirt. I revert my eyes up and to her face, hoping she didn’t notice.

“You’d want to take care of people like me?” I nod my head and stare into her dark eyes. “Maybe next time you should. I mean you should probably start actually _volunteering_.”

My eyes are so fixated on hers that I tune out a majority of her sarcasm. I pull my gaze away and shift the ring on my finger up and down. “Would that be okay with you? I’ll ask them if I can help set you up.” I look up and catch her eyes again.

_They’re something else._

“I’d like that.” She gives me a side smile and I uncontrollably smile back.

I look around the room and stop at the bookshelf. I start from the top shelf and travel my eyes down it. I catch myself at the bottom shelf. There’s a stack of what seems to be board games lying on the bottom. I get up from my chair and head over to them.

“What are you doing? Something interesting over there I should know about?”

I laugh as I bend down and look through the games. Immediately, I see The Game of Life. I pick it up and retreat back to my original seat. I stand over Carmilla, game in hand with a wide smile on my face.

“Wanna play?”

11:15 am – Chemotherapy room 

“How did you even get me to play this dumb game with you anyway?” Carmilla groans as she spins the wheel. She lands on a 2 and moves her tiny car two spaces up.

“It didn’t seem to take much convincing.” I spin the wheel and land on a 7. “You’re just mad because you’re a single mom with three kids and your house flooded.” I move my car seven spaces ahead.

Carmilla laughs sarcastically. “And you wouldn’t be?” She spins the wheel again and moves her car the appropriate spaces forward. She takes the game so seriously; it’s amusing just on its own. She lands on a space with writing. She tilts her head at an angle, reads it to herself and lets out a loud groan.

I laugh, thoroughly amused. “What now, grumpy?”

“A tornado hit my house! How is this even plausible? Did I even _buy_ a house? I hate this game.” Carmilla pushes her owed money towards me and folds her arms into her chest. The pout on her face sends a shiver down my spine and a smile starts to unfold on my face. I push it back as much as I can.

“Why don’t we take a break from the game?”

“Gladly.” Carmilla pushes her stuff away from her and leans back in her chair. I move the table away and sit back in the chair next to her. The room gets quiet for a few seconds.

“Hey, um, can I ask you something?” I feel my face heating up and my palms begin to twitch.

“Most likely.”

“What do you have? Cancer, that is. What kind?” I feel my heart sink at the word cancer. _How could such a small word have such a grave impact?_ I watch as Carmilla slouches back in her chair and pulls at the strings in her jeans. I become frantic. “I’m sorry if you don’t want to talk about it. You shouldn’t have to.” _Stupid move, Laura._

She shakes her head and tries to force a smile. “No, it’s fine. Don’t apologize.” She pauses for a few seconds and blows air out of her mouth. “Ovarian.”

“Oh.” The feeling in the room starts to tense up. Carmilla’s broody, tough exterior begins to tear down and it’s my fault. My body starts to tighten as I realize the emotional stress I’m probably causing. All from being curious. I drop my face into my hands.

Suddenly, I feel a hand grazing my back. I turn and look to the side. Carmilla moves her hand up and down my back gently. “Hey, don’t be all sad. It’s okay. I _am_ the one with cancer, not you? It’s only Stage I. The doctors said they caught it quick and I should be fine.”

I rub my eyes and lift my body back up. Carmilla continues to rub my back with a sincere smile on her face. I start to feel calm. “I’m sorry I made you tell me. You barely know me.” 

She takes her hand away from my back and goes back to pulling at her jean’s strings. This time, with less emotional tension. “Doesn’t mean I don’t want to get to know you.”

My heart quickly goes from aching to skipping. _How does she do that?_ My feet curl on top of one another and I smile. I open my mouth to say something in return when the nurse from before walks in.

“Well, your treatment is up for today. How does everything feel?”

Carmilla looks at the nurse and then at me. “Not too bad. Not too bad at all.”

She unhooks her from the machine and begins to push it out the door. “You’re free to go. See you in three days!” She turns and walks out.

Carmilla gets up from the chair and gathers her stuff. She kicks up the skateboard as I get up from my chair.

“So, three days?” I look at her and realize we’ve never stood face to face. Though her height not being much taller than mine, she’s still intimidating. I think it’s all the confidence she gives off.

“Three days. You gonna be waiting for me again?” She raises an eyebrow and smirks.

“I was _not_ waiting for you!” I throw my hands in front of her in frustration. She laughs and spins her skateboard in circles.

“Whatever you say, Hollis.” She starts to walk towards the door.

I stand frozen in confusion. “How do you know my last name?”

“Check your name tag, cutie.” I look down and realize how stupid I am. “See you soon.” She walks out the door. My feet haven’t moved an inch. I look around the room. The board game is still on the table, money all over from Carmilla’s frustrated tantrums. I shake my head, look down and laugh.

_She’s really something._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for sticking around and reading another chapter!! i update on thursday every week (at least i try to)  
> once again feel free to chat me up :-)  
> elizabethchilds.tumblr.com & @daddycarmilla (twitter)


	4. In the Wrong Arms

Day 5 

11:30 am – Monarch Center Hospital

“Good, almost, afternoon Mr. Jenkin! How’s the leg feeling today?” Danny checks up on a few of the patients in the lower level B section of the hospital.

I’ve followed her around to every room, which is something I’m supposed to be doing. Volunteer nurse and all. But I can’t seem to get my mind off of Carmilla. She said three days. Yet, she’s nowhere to be found.

I can feel myself zoning out. I blink my eyes a few times and come back to Danny helping a patient. I feel a pain deep in the furthest part of my chest. I tap on my chest hoping it’ll go away. It doesn’t.

“Hey, it’s almost lunch time. Wanna head up to the cafeteria?” Danny turns to me slightly while finishing up with her patient.

I stare down and kick my feet against the white, speckled tiles. “Yeah. That’s fine.”

Danny grabs her papers and I follow her out the room. We walk down the hall in silence. I look down and follow Danny’s feet besides me for direction. I feel lost, anxious and vulnerable all at the same time.

Danny slows down her walk slightly. I synchronize with her. “What’s wrong, kiddo?”

I try to sigh under my breath. “It’s nothing. I just- it’s nothing. I’m fine.”

Danny stops me by the corner of the hallway. She turns to face me and looks down at her hand. “It’s that girl, isn’t it?”

My body tenses and I feel my legs start to shake. “No, it’s not! It’s definitely not. She didn’t do anything! Nothing happened, I-“

Danny places her hands on my shoulders and looks at me. “Laura, calm down. You just look sad.”

“Why do you think it’s about Carmilla? It’s totally not.” I let out a pathetic laugh followed by a real sigh.

“You just have that look in your eye.”

I sneer defensively. “What _look_?”

“Like a sad puppy.” Danny laughs and puts her arm around me. “Just like you kind of want someone to notice you, but you don’t want to be too obvious that you like them?”

My eyes widen and I freeze. My body tenses even more than it did before. _If that’s even possible._ And then I snap.

“What! Okay, I don’t _like_ Carmilla. That’s insane. I’ve known her for, like, a few days. Jeez, wow. And. And! I don’t even like girls- a _t least, I don’t think I do-_ I’ve never even been with one- _yet_ -so, yeah!”

Danny starts to laugh. I cross my arms and pout. Danny brings me in for a big hug and I feel her heart beat on my face. “Calm down, Hollis. I was just describing a look. Don’t have to get all defensive.”

I groan into her body and take my arms out to hug her back. Maybe I just needed a good hug to get my mind off of things. Plus, Danny is very warm and it feels homey. I turn my head slightly to look at the patients walking around the hospital.

_Carmilla?_

My eyes widen and my heart starts to beat rapidly. I see Carmilla turn the corner from behind Danny. She looks up and catches my eye contact. My heart speeds up at a dangerous pace. She trips slightly with a surprised look on her face. Her usual ironic smile turns into an earth-shattering glare. Pain courses through my entire body. Carmilla quickly phases out of her glare and makes a b-line sprint up the stairs. I push Danny away from me in the least rude way I can, and follow her.

_Can anything go right?_

* * *

 

11:48 am – Chemotherapy room 

I sprint up the stairs, trying not to trip and make a quick turn into the chemotherapy room. I don’t look back. I violently push the two doors open and sit all the way in the back near the bookshelf. I put in my ear buds and grab a book out of my bag. I look up and see the nurse at the desk is heavily concentrated on her laptop. I glance back at the book and flip to a random page. My heart is beating faster than ever. Everything seems so quiet, but loud at the same time.

I hear a door open.

_Fuck._

And another.

_Fuck, fuck._

I fumble with the book, get settled on a page and pretend to read. Out of the corner of my eye I see an out of breath Laura, bent over and attempting to calm down.

_Fuck, Carmilla, focus._

I turn a page in my book. _I’m so good at pretending to read._ Laura starts to walk towards me. She gets to the front of me, still a little out of breath, and just stands. I try my best not to look up at her. Seconds later, my ear bud is yanked out of my ear.

“What was that?”

I keep my eyes down on my book. “What do you mean?” I definitely know what she means.

“You just- are you kidding?” She throws her hands in the air and grabs her hair by the roots. “You just sprinted down the hallway! Away from me!”

My chest tightens up and it becomes hard to swallow. “I thought I saw someone I knew.” My eyes immediately close and my face shrinks at my idiotic statement.

Laura lets out a loud, unsubtly laugh. “Yeah! You did! It was me!” She clenches her fists. My heart hasn’t stop beating since she came in. My nerves are spiraling through my body. Yet, somehow, her outburst of rage is strangely attractive. _Are you fucking kidding me?_   _Attractive?_

She blows out a large breath and continues her now smaller bit of anger. “I don’t know what I did to make you sprint! I’ve just been calmly waiting for you all morning and-“

The rest of her ramblings become faint. I only hear one thing.

_Waiting. For. Me._

I can’t control the huge grin on my face and the pains sent to my stomach. I raise an eyebrow. “So you _were_ waiting for me?”

Laura pouts and crosses her arms as she drops herself in the chair beside me. “Shut up.”

My stomach flutters begin to subside until a new emotion shoots through me. I suddenly remember why I sprinted away. As soon as I turned the corner, I saw Laura. At first, this recognition was good. It was pleasant. Until I was taken back. Until I saw Danny. All I remember is this fire bursting through my heart. My fists began to tighten and my insides were aching with anger, with jealousy.

_Jealousy._

My jaw starts to tighten in the moments of silence between Laura’s rambles and her seat in the chair. I feel the fire all over again.

_Jealousy._

My head starts to spin and my insides tangle. My whole body becomes agitated.

_Jealousy. Is that what this is? Why would I be jealous? I don’t even know her._

Laura’s voice travels back to my ears. She’s leaning closer to me now. “So, are you gonna tell me why you ran away?”

I set my book down against my thighs and stare, trying to come up with an excuse.

“I told you, cupcake, I thought I saw someone.” _Nice one, Karnstein._

Laura rolls her eyes and leans back. “You’re frustrating.”

My mouth quirks into a satirical smile and I speak before I can even think. “Sexually, I hope.”

Laura’s mouth shuts in shock. Her face looks like it might break. My eyes close and fists tightens against my thigh. _Oh my god, you fucking idiot._ Unexpectedly, Laura bursts into laughter.

“Sexually…” Her voice lingers away as she sighs into her last laugh.  

* * *

 

12:15 am – Chemotherapy room

We sit in a comfortable silence. Carmilla continues to read her book while the medicine flows through her body. She always sits so relaxed, not a care in the world. I back track to the incident before and play it over again in my mind. I don’t believe Carmilla’s excuse to running away. I don’t at all. I go even further back to Danny. I start to think about how comforting she was. How warm she was to hug.

Then I think about what she said about me liking Carmilla. Or what she implied. That same familiar tenseness overwhelms me. _Why am I so bothered?_ _Was Danny right? I’m not even gay. I’ve never liked a girl. At least, I thought I’ve never._ I can almost feel the blood rushing through my head. My hands start to go numb.

I stand up and walk to the back of the room to the bookshelf. Feeling starts to come back to my fingertips. I look the bookshelf up and down. I go closer and skim through the titles. I slide my hands down the book spines, feeling every dip and indent. I hear footsteps coming from behind me, but continue to slide my fingertips through the books. The steps become louder until Carmilla quietly places herself next to me, entirely too close. My heart jumps.

“What’re you doing here, cupcake?” Her eyes skim through the books next to mine.

I continue to move through the shelf. “I don’t think you’re suppose to be up and about.”

“Hey, gotta live a little.” She shrugs and moves her eyes to the upper shelf. I feel her eyes slightly shift to me. “What’s on your mind?”

I stop my hand on The Giver. “Um, nothing. Not much. Completely clear.”

Carmilla laughs. “Something is definitely on your mind. You’re stiffer than wood.”

I pause and squat down to the lowest shelf. “It’s nothing. I’m fine.” I’m not fine at all. My hands start to lose feeling again. “I’m just- I’m thinking a lot. About things. Like girl problems, just women things. Lady problems? Whatever you want to call them.”

Carmilla reaches up to grab a book. She flips through it swiftly and stops at a random page. “Hm, I see. Lady problems? I definitely could give some advice. Might not be good, but you could take a chance.”

“I don’t think you could. It’s not- we’re not thinking the same thing.” I come back up to meet Carmilla’s height. It feels like we’re only inches apart.

“Well, I do know a lot about _ladies_ , that’s all I’m saying.”

I laugh a little. “What, had a lot of girl friends in high school?”

Carmilla laughs and puts the book back in its corresponding spot. “Yeah, you could say that. They were more like one night flings though.”

I freeze. _One night flings._ I feel my jaw open slightly. Carmilla continues to skim through the books. I close my mouth and continue to make conversation.

“Um, okay. Wow. We definitely thought of different versions of _girl friends.”_

She takes out another book and flips over the inside cover. She starts to read the summary on the side. “Oh. I’m sorry, cupcake. I thought it was _obvious._ ”

I raise my brow and turn to her. “What was _obvious_?”

Carmilla turns to me and laughs. “That I’m gay, of course?” She raises her eyebrow and quizzically smiles.

“Um, definitely not obvious!” I stand, mouth wide open and puzzled.

She places a hand on my shoulder. “Most people would not agree with that.”

I place my opposite hand on her shoulder. “I’m not most people.”

She turns back to the bookshelf and places the book back in an empty spot. “Maybe that’s what’s so interesting about you.”

_Interesting. Good interesting or bad interesting?_ I slowly place my hand hovered above her body in the back pocket of my jeans. I swivel my body towards the books and suddenly feel my phone vibrate.

“Oh, crap!”

Carmilla raises her eyebrow at my sudden outburst. “What’s up?”

“I forgot about my doctor’s appointment. My dad’s waiting outside. He does this thing where he always thinks we’ll be late. I guess it’s funny, but also very annoying. Well, okay, if I talk anymore we might actually be late.” I shove my phone back into my pocket and begin to scramble in place. “Are you going to be okay without me?”

Carmilla smirks. “ _Bored?_ Yes. _Okay?_ Most likely.”

I nod my head and take a deep breath in and out. An impulsive thought comes to my head and I decide to run with it. “Give me your phone.”

“What?” Carmilla jumps a little taken off guard.

“Give me your phone.”

She reaches down into the pocket of her jeans, jeans that would only look good on her, and takes out her phone. “Alright, are you trying to rob me or something?”

“Ha, ha. Funny.” I roll my eyes as I take her phone. She stares at me, still in confusion, slightly biting her lip. I do what I have to and then hand it back. “There you go.”

She takes it back. “What did you do?”

“I put in my number.”

She laughs and shakes her head. She hits her phone against the palm of her opposite hand. “And I’m the gay one.”

I playfully swipe her arm and she mouths ‘ow’ with the stupidest smile on her face. _Classic._ “One, shut up. Two, I don’t want to be _waiting_ for you anymore. So text me?” I smile and tilt my head to the side waiting for her response.

Carmilla looks down at her phone, trying to conceal her hint of blushing. “Sure thing, cupcake.”

I smile. Wide. I turn around to walk away, until another genius idea comes to mind. I rotate back to face Carmilla and go for it. A hug, that is. I can feel her body tense immediately at the surprise attack and quickly soften. Slowly, she wraps her arms around my waist and places her palms on the small of my back. She’s warm. Warmer than I ever expected. Maybe it’s the medicine. Whatever it was, it was calming. I close my eyes and let her warmth engulf my body. I start to get lost in her body. 

And forget about the time.

I open my eyes quickly and shift myself away from her body. But only slightly. I look into her eyes, the deepest brown I’ve ever seen. “Thanks for telling me one of your deep dark secrets.”

She rolls her eyes and lets out a quick chuckle. “Didn’t know it was even a secret.” She looks at me. _She’s captivating._ “But, you’re welcome.”

My eyes haven’t moved from her face. I can feel my cheeks heat up and my hands numb. Everything becomes irrelevant. A last idea pops into my head and it could be the stupidest. But I do it anyway. Quickly, I lean near her ear and graze my lips on her cheek. A light kiss and I still feel the heat radiating from her skin. I come back to her face and see her eyes open wide and the biggest smile on her face. I detach myself from her, as she stands frozen. Her smile, the brightest light in the entire room. And the only thing I can remember as I walk away.

* * *

 

6:00 pm – Carmilla’s house 

I can still feel the imprint of her lips against my cheek. Even after hours. It’s the only thing I’ve been able to think about. For hours. As I sat through the rest of my medicine. As I walked down lonely roads back home. As I sit in my bed staring at the ceiling. _Laura._ She’s all I can think about. My thoughts have been running wild. I can feel them starting to fight like an angel and devil on my shoulder.

_Stop being so full of yourself, Karnstein. She doesn’t even like you that way._

_Okay, but what if she’s curious?_

_Curious? About you? Please. No one is. Not in the way you want._

_But she seems different._

_Different. As in she’s straight._

_Different as in she’s unique. Maybe straight too. Only one way to find out._

_Don’t do this to yourself, Karnstein._

_Too late._

My inner monologue stops as I grab my phone from the edge of my bed. I scroll through the contacts until I find it. _Laura Hollis_. Along with one of those glittery pink heart emojis. _Of course she did._ I roll my eyes and sigh. My lips quiver into a nervous smile as I click on New Message. I bite my tongue lightly and lick my top lip thinking of what to type. I type something up quick and press send before tossing the phone away and curling up. I close my eyes tensely.

Carm (6:05 pm): I’m watching you

The phone buzzes quickly. _Fuck._

Laura (6:05 pm): Funny. I know it’s you, Carmilla.

I laugh and send another one back just as quick. My heart rate heightens.

Carm (6:06 pm): well shit how’d you know?

I wait for what feels like a lifetime until I see the typing bubble pop up, which doesn’t help the beating in my chest subside.

Laura (6:07 pm): I don’t just give random people my number. “Cupcake”.

The edges of my lips tighten into a smile at the word cupcake. I continue to play it cool and hope the conversation takes off.

Carm (6:08 pm): can’t say I didn’t try any whooo whatcha up to cupcake

Laura (6:10 pm): Just catching up on some TV. What’re you doing? Let me guess. Reading?

Carm (6:11 pm): funny Hollis actually no just talking to you that’s pretty much it

Laura (6:12 pm): So I have all your undivided attention? How nice of you. :)

Carm (6:13 pm): well until something better comes along that is

Laura (6:14 pm) Ha. Very funny. Not much is better than me, though.

Carm (6:16 pm): does Papa Hollis tell you that?

Laura (6:16 pm): He does and I do believe him.

Carm (6:17 pm): seems like a smart guy I think I believe him too

Laura (6:17 pm): :)

Laura (6:18 pm): So, not to interrupt how great I am or anything but, I’m not gonna be at the hospital for the next few days.

Carm (6:18 pm): hm do you think my life revolves around you? or

Laura (6:19 pm): Sh. I wasn’t done.

Carm (6:19 pm): sorry please continue

Laura (6:20 pm): As I was sayinggg, I won’t be there for the next few days. But I’ve enjoyed hanging out with you. I guess I’m asking if you want to hang out again? Outside of the hospital scene, that is. If you’re up for it? I’ll understand if you’re not.

Carm (6:22 pm): we can hang out as long as you don’t ramble anymore

Laura (6:23 pm): Noted. So what about Thursday around 7? My place? My dad’ll be gone for the night.

Carm (6:23 pm): oh your dad will be gone?? ;)

Laura (6:24 pm): Not what I meant, Karnstein.

Carm (6:25 pm): but it was a little bit implied

Laura (6:25 pm): Sh.

Carm (6:28 pm): I’ll be there

Laura (6:29 pm): Perfect! It’s a date!

Laura (6:29 pm): But not a real one. It’s not a date.

Carm (6:30 pm): whatever floats your boat my dear

I place my phone next to my bed and lay the back of my head on the palms of my hands. I feel my eyes open wide and my mouth go stiff.

_Not a date, Karnstein. Not. A. Date._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading another chapter!! i hope you enjoyed it. i update every thursday :)  
> to keep up with me: elizabethchilds.tumblr.com & @daddycarmilla (twitter)


	5. Not A Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey yall stay woke its about to get real gay!   
> (but seriously i loved writing this)

Day 8

6:56 pm - Laura’s house

I continue down the street and stop at a crosswalk. I look at my phone. _2103 Linfield Ave._ I put my phone back in my pocket and continue to ride. The breeze is cool, but not too cold and it feels light on my face. I look through the houses, all small and suburban. _2100\. 2101. 2102._ Finally, I swivel my skateboard to a stop and stand in front of the house. Small and off-white. Like a house used in a “small town, big adventure” sort of movie. I kick up my board and open the gate of a small, white wooden fence. Inside, a walkway made of large slabs of rocks, all different shapes and colors. Surrounding them is grass and lots of it, along with some small bunches of floors. Many varieties of flowers. After I finally finished admiring the gardening efforts put in to the front of the home, I get to the door. Dark brown wood and a small window all the way on top. I knock.

What feels like almost seconds after releasing my grip, the door opens.

“Hey!” An excited Laura pops out from behind. “You found it!”

“Indeed I did.”

She motions me to come inside. The inside of the house is almost as movie cliché as the outside. Big living room, cute furniture, family pictures, paintings from 4th grade art class. A warm feeling tingles underneath my skin and my lips twinge into a small smile.

I put my bag and skateboard down by the front door as Laura takes a lead into the kitchen.

“Skateboarding again?”

“I like to keep things eco-friendly.”

Laura rolls her eyes and looks into the fridge. I take a seat on a stool and lean forward onto the marble countertop in front of me. It’s large and oval shaped with speckles of gold in its “fifty shades of grey” exterior. Not the BDSM, of course. But the actual color.

“So.” Laura closes the fridge and turns to me. She places her hands on the countertop. “Of course, there’s nothing to eat here. Maybe we could order something? Pizza? Wings? Chinese?”

“Hm. I’m fond of noodles.”

“Chinese it is!” Laura waves a finger up in the air and heads towards the pantry. I roll my eyes and feel my cheeks flush. _Dumb. Adorable._ _Laura._

* * *

 

7:32 pm – Living room

“I should’ve assumed you could use chopsticks. And so well.” I swirl my fork in the box of noodles. “I feel very incompetent now.” I continue to eat.

Carmilla looks down in her take out box, trying to gather noodles as well. “Don’t be. There’s an art to it.” She smirks at me and lifts the noodles over her head, tilts her head back and slowly places them into her mouth.

“I bet you’re _such_ the artiste, too.”

“I’d only hope so. It is my major.” She continues to eat the artistic way.

“Seriously?” I almost spit my food out.

“Seriously.”

I put down the take out box between my legs and lean back on my hands. “Wow. You’re a walking, talking Jane Lane.”

“Is that supposed to be a gay joke, cupcake?” She smirks at me. I shake my head and laugh.

“No! Jane Lane! From Daria? The 90s MTV show? Ring a bell?” She shakes her head and I gasp. “Oh my god, wow. Now I know what we’re doing tonight.”

* * *

 

7:50 – Living room

Laura finally gets the TV set up and puts on an episode of Daria. The cartoons are poorly drawn, but in the cool 1990s sense of it. And there’s a whole lot of punk rock attitude to it. Enjoyable. Very.

I turn and look at Laura sitting across from me on the couch. She’s laughing over something sarcastic Daria said.

“Wow, cupcake. I didn’t think this would be your type of humor, let alone, show.”

She lets out one last laugh and turns to me. “Yeah, neither did I, but one day I just thought ‘let’s try it’ and I don’t regret that day one bit.” She smiles at me and turns back to the TV.

I continue to watch her reactions more than the show itself. She gets all jumpy and excited when Jane first comes on so I give half of my attention to TV. She’s a good size height, thin with piercings, short hair. She’s dressed in almost all black except for her red blazer and her boots are exactly like mine. _Now I see where Laura’s coming from._ The first thing I pick up on is their joke about low self-esteem and how it makes Jane feel special. Laura lets out a loud hoot and I laugh at her amusement.

“See! Totally you. Jane’s all broody and artsy. She also hates commercialism and school.”

I laugh. “As do I.”

Laura points at me with a smile and narrows her eyes. “I was _so_ right.”

I lean closer to her. “I’ll give you props, but you better not gloat.”

She scoots towards me with a huge smirk. “I’ll gloat if I want to, Karnstein.”

I continue to shift closer, now only inches apart mirroring her smirk. “No you won’t, Hollis.”

Our faces are close. I can feel a warm air coming from the slit between her lips. She’s staring at me, huge grin and narrow eyes. Suddenly, she darts out at me and I close my eyes as I feel a wetness on my nose. Quickly, I lean back and wipe my nose with my sleeve. I open my eyes greeted by Laura hysterically laughing and gripping her stomach.

“Did you just lick my nose?” I start laughing stupidly.

“It was more of a light poke.”

“You’re gross.” I shake my head and wipe my nose once more.

“Oh, come on Broody Benjamin.” She leans over and shoves my shoulder. “I couldn’t resist.”

“You’re lucky you’re cute because you’re very weird.” I talk before I can even think. _Cute. Did you just say cute? Fuck._

Laura shrugs her shoulders and gives a confident pout like she’s heard it many times before. My heart jumps and then relaxes, as she seems to ignore “cute”. We sit in silence for a few seconds until another episode of Daria plays.

* * *

 

8:40 pm – Living room

Almost an hour passes and we’re still watching TV. Another episode ends, and I smile at how much Carmilla has been enjoying it. _One point for Hollis._ The credits start to play and I turn to her relaxed body slouched into the couch.

“So, what do you want to do now?” She turns to me. The side of her lip tightens as she thinks 

“Well, I’ve learned a show Laura Hollis likes to watch. What more can I learn about her tonight?”

I hold back my smile. “Hm. I’m not sure.” I get up from the couch and walk towards the hallway.

“Where you going?” I hear her voice from behind me.

I lean my head to the side and continue to walk. “Maybe my room will tell you more?”

I hear a sudden jump off of the couch and rapid footsteps. A cool breeze pushes by me and Carmilla is next to me. I look at her from the corner of my eye. Hands in her jean pockets and a smile on her face.

I open the door and let her walk in first. She walks all through the room, her eyes taking in every inch of the space. “You’ve got a lot of stuff in here.”

I sit on my bed. “Yeah, I guess I like to collect things.”

She picks up my Tardis mug from my desk and looks at it. “Lots of police box related things.”

“Doctor Who things.”

“Yeah. That too.”

I laugh and roll my eyes. _She lives in her own world._ I hear her voice again. “Harry Potter fan?”

“Oh, most definitely.”

“Will likes it too.” She pauses. “My brother.”

“Well I think me and Mr. Will would get along.”

She laughs and turns back to look at me. “Honestly, you probably would.

My cheeks heat up. I look down trying to cover up my smile. Next thing I know, Carmilla throws herself across the bed. Her body jumps up and down. “I like it. The room, that is. It has meaning and character.”

My face continues to stay warm. “Thanks. I feel like the amount of things overwhelm people sometimes. But it’s my little sanctuary.”

She looks at me and smiles. A genuine smile. And this feels like the perfect time to start to get to know the real Carmilla Karnstein.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Go for it.”

“How did you know you were gay?” Her eyes freeze and so does the rest of her body. She shifts her weight and sits up. She looks down at the slit in her jeans and picks at the strings. This seems to be a nervous tick of hers. Her eyes grow quiet.

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have asked. That was stupid. I just- I’m always so curious. And stupid and-“

“You’re not stupid.” She pauses and looks at me. Her eyes soft and lips tight. “You’re curious. It makes sense. It’s just a normal question. A normal question with a hard answer.”

_A hard answer? Maybe connected to bad memories._

She looks down again. I turn my body to shift next to her. Before I can speak, she continues.

“I was fourteen years old and I met a girl. She was older than me. Seventeen to be exact. I always found girls attractive, but I never was with one. She told me everything I wanted to hear. She gave me so much love and I gave her everything in return. I fell hard and fast. She knew she had me wrapped around her finger.”

She paused and deeply inhaled. I could see water forming from the bottom of her eyelids. She closed her eyes trying to keep the tears from running down her cheeks. I react quicker than I can process what I’m doing. I place my hand on top of hers lying on her thigh. She turns her head slightly and looks at me then back to my hand. She shifts her hand to open her palm and I slip the tips of my fingers in the empty space. She grips me tightly. Her hand is warm and soft.

She breathes out and continues. “She was my first everything. I gave her my life and I thought she gave me hers. But as soon as she left for college she threw me away. She left me behind. I’ve never experienced that much pain in my life. Knowing you meant nothing. Knowing you’re nothing.”

My mouth opens before I process my thoughts. “You’re not nothing.” A tear falls down her cheek. I shift closer to her and lift her chin up to look at me. “You’re not nothing. Got it?”

She closes her eyes and nods her head. “You’re a great big something and she’ll never know how special you are.”

“Ell.” She mumbles under her breath.

“What?

“Her name was Ell.”

“Oh. Well, I hope Ell regrets the things she did to you. And I hope she never gets to know how truly beautiful you are.”

Her lips quiver into a shy smile. “Thanks, Laura.”

“I’m sorry I asked, though.”

She grips my hand tighter. “You just wanted to know. I understood that. I just haven’t talked about it in a while. To anyone actually. Except Will.”

I smile tightly and my eyes become weak. “Thanks for telling me, Carm.”

She chuckles and wipes the tear still formed on her cheek. “Carm?”

I laugh, closing my eyes and shake my head. “Crap, sorry. I wasn’t even- stupid nicknames. I always do that.”

“I like it.”

We both smile. _Her eyes reflect the moonlight perfectly._ I release my hand from hers and wrap my arms around her neck, burying my face into her shoulder. I feel her laugh and sigh.

“You’re a hugger, aren’t you?”

“Yep. It’s a family thing.”

She sighs again and returns the hug, wrapping her arms around the side of my waist. My body relaxes into her arms.

_She feels like home._

* * *

 

9:45 pm – A few blocks away from Laura’s house

“You ever coming home? Or do I need to send out a rescue team for you?”

“Calm down, Willy Boy, I’m coming back now.”

There was a pause of mutual silence across the line.

“Hey, Will.”

“Yes, sister.”

“I think I like someone.”

“A girl?”

“Yes, Will. I’m a lesbian.”

Will laughs.

“Will?”

“Yes, again, sister.”

“I like her like Ell.”

“You sure?”

“Very.”

His voice becomes serious. “If she hurts you-“

“I know, I know.” I pause. “But you’ll probably need to bulk up a bit to beat someone up.”

“Shut up, asshole.”

* * *

 

9:50 pm – Laura’s house

“Hey, L!”

I chuckle. “You’ll never give up calling me L, will you?”

“Nope, sorry.” We both pause. “What’s up?”

I swallow and pause. “How do I know if I like someone?”

Lafontaine laughs. “Well, Laur, that’s sort of up to you. Did you meet someone?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“Well! Tell me it all. What’s his name?”

“Her.”

“Her?”

“Her.” I pause and my body tightens. “Carmilla.”

“Oh, wow! Well, what’s she like?”

“She’s different. Very different.”

Lafontaine chuckles. “I hope that’s a good thing.”

I smile and they continue. “I always wondered when this day would come.”

“What day?”

“The day you’d like a girl.”

I open my mouth astonished and shocked. “Excuse me?”

Lafontaine laughs hard. “Oh, come on, Laur. Totally saw this one coming. You’ve had a crush on like every important woman in history since we were kids.”

“So! That doesn’t mean- it didn’t- I’m not gay, okay! I mean, I don’t think I am!”

“Calm down, Hollis. Just have fun, that’s my advice. Also don’t go breaking hearts, lady killer.”

I laugh and smirk. “Lady killer? Please. More like hopefully I don’t get my heart broken.”

“You know what I’ll do if she even tries to.”

“Yes, LaF. Thank you.”

“Anything for you, L.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading more!! i try to update every thursday (school has started again so im sorry if it may be a day or two late)  
> keep updated on me: elizabethchilds.tumblr.com & @daddycarmilla


	6. Diner 62

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warning: very much more gay! :-)

Day 11

10:43 am – Monarch Center Hospital

An hour has passed and I’ve seen no sign of Laura. Usually, she comes in early. Usually, she’s waiting for me. But today, nothing. I pull out my phone from my tight jean pocket and open a new message. I feel my hands shake as I start to type her name. _It’s just a text._

I start to type a sentence and then delete it. Back and forth, I fight my own thoughts of what to write. Everything sounds stupid. _Why am I so nervous?_

I close my eyes and think. Maybe a simple “hey” will do the trick. _No, that’s stupid._

Anxiously, I type the last thing to come to my mind and hit send. I set my phone on my lap and wait _. Shit._

Carm (10:45 am): are you ever going to check up on your favorite patient today??

I feel my phone buzz and I jump. It slides off of my leg and I quickly grab it before it falls off.

Laura (10:46 am): And who might that be?

I smile and quickly respond before the moment leaves.

Carm (10:46 am): dont make it say it

Laura (10:47 am): But I have no idea!

Carm (10:48 am): youre killing me

Laura (10:48 am): :)

Carm (10:48 am): soooo

Laura (10:50 am): I’m sorry! There’s just tons of stuff going on around here. I’ve tried to come down, but it’s just super busy right now. I swear I’ve ran around this building about 10 times already. 

Carm (10:51 am): glad to see youre actually volunteering though

Laura (10:53 am): Shut up.

Carm (10:53 am): :)

Laura (10:55 am): How about I make it up to you? Dinner? At the café down the street around 6?

Carm (10:55 am): wow Hollis date 2? I guess date 1 went pretty well!

Laura (10:57 am): Not a date!

Carm (10:58 am): whatever you say cupcake see you at 6

5:54 pm - Diner 62

"Here you go! A waiter will be by soon to get you some drinks."

"Thanks!" I slide into the large U shaped booth. Definitely too large for two people. I check my phone multiple times. The passing minutes feel so slow and I can feel my heart speeding up.

_5:56 She'll be here soon._

_5:57 Calm down, Hollis._

_5:58 It's just dinner._

_5:59 It's not a date._

_6:00 But you want it to be._

_6:01 So bad._

Suddenly, I snap out of my daze and hear a noise. I lift my head up to see Carmilla sliding into the booth besides me. She takes off her sunglasses and runs her fingers through her hair. _Crap._

"So you come here often, cutie?" Carmilla smirks at me as she puts her glasses in the bag next to her.

I smile and roll my eyes. "Trying to pick up girls already? You only just got here."

"Might as well test my luck early before it's too late." She smiles and picks up the menu in front of her.

I laugh and do the same.

"Whatcha gonna get?" Carmilla leans towards me.

I continue to read the menu. "Maybe a salad."

"A salad? Come on, cupcake, live on the edge."

I shift myself closer to her. Our menus touch and create a wall. It feels so much more private. My heart feels it the most.

"Fine, fine. What about a sandwich?"

"Nope. Not good enough."

I roll my eyes and she flips the menu page.

"Well, you choose for me then."

"Wow! Trusting me with so much responsibility? It's only our second date, Hollis."

She laughs and I nudge her arm.

"One, not a date. Two, since you seem to know so much, you choose." She smirks at me and looks through the menu. I learn closer to her ear and smell a hint of vanilla from her hair. "You better choose right."

She chuckles. "Oh, I will."

* * *

 

6:34 pm - Diner 62

"So, how's the fried mac and cheese?"

Laura takes another bite. "Honestly" She swallows. "When you first ordered it, I was skeptical. But this is actually one of the best things I've ever had."

I smile and take a bite from my burger. "And you doubted me."

She smiles and laughs. "Almost doubted. Never completely."

We pause our conversation for a few seconds to continue eating our meal. Laura takes huge bites of her mac and cheese. She looks like a little kid and it's really cute.

I smile uncontrollably and she notices. _Shit, stop._

"How did you know I would like this?"

"Lucky guess?" I grin.

She leans in closer and narrows her eyes. "Nope. You're hiding something. Another secret!"

I bite into my burger trying to hold back my obvious smirk.

"You've totally been here before!"

I look at Laura and laugh at her. She acts like she's Nancy Drew solving her first case.

"Alright, you caught me."

"Yes!" She drives her fist down and mouths 'score'. _She's ridiculous._ She takes another bit of her food. “Did you come with your parents? My dad always took me here when I had a bad day at school. I’d always get a grilled cheese and chocolate milk.” 

I freeze. My hand shakes a little and I wipe my palm on my jeans. “No, my um, my aunt took me here a lot. My parents aren’t around.” 

Laura continues to eat naïve to my nervousness. “Oh? Where did they go?”

“They’re dead.”

Laura freezes and puts her fork down. Her eyes widen and she smacks her hands against her face. “God, I’m so stupid! I keep doing this. I keep asking stupid things. I’m so sorry.”

“You’re not stupid. Just overly curious.” I smile reassuring her that I’ll be okay.

“Stop being so nice.” She sighs.

We sit in silence for a few minutes and continue to eat. The tension between us builds. I can feel my heart beating everywhere in my body.

“They died when I was younger.”

“What?” Laura turns to look at me, mouth full of food.

“My parents died when I was young. Will was only a year old. Car crash.”

“Oh.” She turns back and looks down at her plate. “I’m- I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I don’t remember them much.” I pick up a French fry and start to swirl it in the ketchup on my plate. “My aunt has taken care of Will and I ever since.”

“That’s good that you have family.” I shake my head and Laura looks up. She freezes. “Crap, crap, crap!” She turns to me and grabs my hand. “We need to leave.”

“But my burger!”

“Crap! He’s coming this way! We need to hide.” Laura ducks under the side of the table still gripping my hand. _What a great time for my heart to rapidly pulse._

“Okay, cupcake, calm down. What’s happening?”

“I know someone.”

“And? That’s it?”

“Well, know them in the ‘may have dated them for a few months in high school’ kind of way.”

“Oh.”

* * *

 

7:05 pm – Diner 62

“I seriously can’t believe this is happening right now.” I duck more under the table hoping Kirsch won’t notice that I’m here. I look under my arm and sneak a look at him. He starts walking this direction. “He’s coming, crap.”

"I'm sure you can handle this. Plus only a blind person wouldn't be able to see you right now." Carmilla chuckles. Her words seem more off putting than before. _Is she uncomfortable? Because I said dated._

"Laura! Babe!" Kirsch walks over to the front of our booth. He stands with Theo and looks us up and down.

"Hey Kirsch..." I lift myself up from under the booth and smile tensely. I realize I'm still holding Carmilla's hand. I keep holding it. _Hollis, now is not the time for your new found gay._

"How have you been, Hollis? It's been like years!"

"It's only been a year Kirsch, but I've been good- _would be better if this wasn't happening._ Still playing football?"

"Yes, ma'am!" Kirsch puts his fists to his hips and pouts with confidence. "Mind if we join you two lovely ladies? We need to catch up, for old times sake."

Kirsch slides into the booth before I respond followed with Theo moving in next to Carmilla. My body tenses up with the lack of personal space and Carmilla senses it. She strokes the top of my hand with her thumb. _Wow._

Kirsch puts his arm around me. "So, Laura. Why didn't we ever continue anything after high school?"

Carmilla fake gags after Kirsch's question and I squeeze her hand.

"Well, you did break up with me. And we dated for what 6 weeks? In 9th grade?"

Kirsch laughs and moves in closer to me. I shift away bumping my shoulder into Carmilla's. "Yeah, well I was stupid. Stupid high school Kirsch didn't know what he wanted, babe! But he knows better know. I know better now."

I push Kirsch back with my free hand. "Look, Kirsch. It's not gonna happen."

"But why not, little hottie? Not many people reject Zetas."

The minutes seem to turn into hours as I try to find an excuse to his question. _Because I'm gay now? No. I don't even know if that's true. I have a boyfriend? No, dumb too. Kirsch knows everyone. Stupid small town. Girlfriend? Girlfriend! Carmilla? No, that's too weird. But what else do I have? Crap._

Before I even finish my inner monologue the words come spewing out of my mouth. "Because I, um, I like girls! A girl. I have a girlfriend!"

Kirsch's eyes widen and I hear him choke on his own intake of oxygen. "What? Girlfriend? Who?"

I lift Carmilla's hand from under the table and onto the countertop. Our fingers intertwined and her thumb resting on the top of my hand. _Double crap._ "Her. This is my girlfriend. This is Carmilla."

* * *

 

7:28 pm - Diner 62

_Girlfriend? GIRLFRIEND._

"Um, yeah, hi."

My body freezes and the word girlfriend runs through my head. Why would this be the first thing she thought of? I mean, yes, I'm pretty good looking, but girlfriend? Did she just come out?

I feel my mind start to spin with all the random thoughts going through my head. I shake my head and focus back on the big picture. Helping Laura escape this mess.

"Wow, Hollis. I didn't see this one coming." Kirsch laughs and moves his arm off of Laura's shoulder.

"Really? A lot of people said they did." Laura laughs nervously and looks at me. Hesitation in her eyes and fear of being caught.

I place my other hands over our intertwined hands and Kirsch continues to talk. "So how long have you two been, you know."

"A month or so." Laura looks down at her plate and plays with her fork.

"And where did you meet?"

"The hospital."

Kirsch smirks. "Interesting place to meet."

I jump in before Laura can talk hoping to relinquish all of this. "I have cancer. Laura helped out me since she's a volunteer nurse and all. It was pretty romantic if you ask me."

Laura looks at me and smiles. She shakes her head and laughs. I feel my cheeks heat up.

"Well, seems like you two have everything set." Kirsch looks at Theo and nods his head signaling him to get up. "It was good catching up with you Laura, but I'll leave this 'date' alone for now." He gets up from the booth and starts to walk. Suddenly he turns around. "Hey, Laura?"

"Yes, Kirsch."

"If you're ever not feeling the gay thing anymore-"

"No, Kirsch."

He laughs. "Worth a shot."

8:10 pm – Outside Diner 62

We walked out to Laura’s car in silence. We ate a majority of the rest of our meal in silence. I could still feel the awkward tension from the situation before. _Girlfriend._ The thought of the word kept me hopeful in the stupidest way.

We stopped by the car and Laura put the key in the side to open the door. “Did you walk here?”

“Yep.”

“Did you want a ride?”

I shook my head. “It’s fine. I can walk. I’m not too far.”

Laura pouted at me and I knew she wouldn’t take no for an answer. “I’m driving you.” She got in the drivers seat and reached over to the other door to unlock it. “Get in."

“So demanding Miss Hollis.” I rolled my eyes and walked around to the other side of the car. As soon as I got in, she started the car. We pulled out of the lot and started to drive into the fog. The streetlights glowed against the darkness and it felt almost comforting.

Minutes begin to pass and we stop at a red light. My body starts to tense up thinking about _girlfriend._ I feel my mouth open and words begin to tumble out before my mind can stop them. “So, girlfriend?” _Fuck._

Laura tenses then starts to laugh. _Fuck._ “That was weird, I know. I’m sorry. I just- I didn’t know what to do!” She continues to laugh and shakes her head.

“So your first thought was call me your girlfriend?”

“It was one of the many thoughts I had.”

“And you felt that was the best one?” I laugh.

“I- I’m not sure! What is this twenty questions?”

The light turns green and we continue to drive. “Just trying to understand what’s going on in that little head of yours.”

“Honestly, sometimes I don’t even know what’s going on up there.”

We both sight and sit in silence again. I pick at the rips in my jeans and Laura taps her thumbs against the steering wheel.

“You could have said boyfriend.”

“But, I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“You don’t have a girlfriend either.”

Laura grows silence. I can almost hear her swallow. “But, I have you.”

I feel the sides of my mouth tighten. I tap my fingers against my thigh trying to control my urge to smile. _You can have me forever._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry this chapter was very late :( i just started school again so chapters might be coming slower than usual. hopefully ill be able to update again next thursday! 
> 
> stay updated with my twitter @daddycarmilla and tumblr elizabethchilds.tumblr.com


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